Why 40% is a political problem and 60% is a problem of poor communication

Eighth and last of the articles about the Catalonia-Spain conflict from the point of view of Happiness. Or how to be happy despite the political circumstances in which we live.

I am convinced that the different strategies that help us to be happier can be applied to the different vicissitudes of life in order to maintain happiness in the midst of so much restlessness. Next, I will explain my vision of this topic through eight of them.

8 strategies that I will comment on 8 different articles:

1. Reality and its lack of acceptance
2. We do not control anything
3. Binary thinking: with me or against me
4. Better to be fine than wanting to be right
5. To desire or not to desire a nation, that is the question
6. The pleasure of a nation or the absence of suffering a conflict: you choose
7. Life is not fair. Why only a politician has made a good choice?
8. Why 40% is a political problem and 60% is a problem of poor communication

8. Why 40% is a political problem and 60% is a problem of poor communication

«Words are the most powerful weapon». Ramón Llull

We do not know how to converse.

We do not communicate well. We speak without listening and we do not transmit without hurting.
We do not ask, we demand before we even wait for the answer.

Knowing how to relate well with others in a horizontal plane is a social skill that requires the art of communication. The art of communicating well consists of issuing a different opinion without offending and knowing how to expose it and ask the other what we want without reaching the confrontation.

Communication is a crucial issue in the quality of human relationships. Learning to dialogue is the indispensable tool to get what we want without getting angry with the other, a whole virtue.

Polite communication is the human ability to express what we experience and what we aim to, without trial, or reproach, or aggression in order to be understood correctly.

There are several theories to successfully address this issue, for example, communicating through Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) teaches us to go from the way we interpret reality – the map of our world- to put ourselves in the place of others, to jump to their world map, in this case from our country map to their country map.

But, we do not only fail in the way we communicate, but also in the background. According to M. Rosenberg, author of the «Nonviolent Communication» (CNV), many of the wars that take place in the world are due to a lack of knowledge of the political leaders about the use of nonviolent communication. This type of communication is based on four steps:

1. Neutral observation and exposure of the fact we are dealing it without adding an opinion or interpretation
2. be aware of what feelings this fact has produced in us
3. Be aware of what need, satisfied or not, it is responsible for that feeling
4. make a request to the other previously accepting that the other does not have to answer us with a concrete action

We must express ourselves with emotional autonomy, speak in the first person without blaming the others for the feelings we feel, get rid of them, not include them in our sentence. Realize that these feelings we notice are not caused by others because they think differently from us. If, when speaking, we criticize the other, we weaken the possibility of dialoguing and resolving a conflict. Not understanding well this it’s n inexhaustible source of conflicts.

Communicate without attacking is the beginning of an optimal negotiation.

The request that we formulate to the other must be concrete and referred to the current moment, expressed in a positive language, without threats, that is feasible to fulfill and giving freedom to the other to be realized or not.

The expression by the sender must be honest, sincere, direct, clear, assertive and respectful. Without reproaching or using aggressiveness. It requires accepting the possible negative of the other to make our request. If we want to get something from someone, it will be easier if we invite them to do so than if we try to impose it.

And, on the hand, the receiver, should have an attentive, real, empathic listening, in order to put ourselves in the senders place and try to satisfy, as far as possible, their request.

When each of the two parties express what they feel, their needs, with the desire to ask the other for a change, with respect, valuing their point of view and after listening empathetically, get an agreement beneficial to both parties, then you can consider that they have managed to communicate correctly.

I think that although 40% of the conflict is related to the difficulty of obtaining or assigning the objectives to which it aspires, most of the existing conflict, 60%, depends on the poor communication between both parties. Each of the parties involved in this conflict must make an analysis of what requirements have been met and which have not been met so that optimum communication has not been achieved…

From now on it’s time to start from scratch, erase and clean it up, fix the damages and forgive. To achieve it:

Communicating without judgment is the beginning of an optimal reconciliation.

* P.S .: Each of these 8 articles on the Catalonia-Spain conflict has been written with the intention of being read by anyone of any political ideology trying to communicate what I wanted to say without offense to anyone. 

#TodoalNegro entrada 8 of 8