Do not judge. Things simply are.

This year you will spend a lot of things, good and bad, good enjoy them, hopefully they are the majority; the bad ones accept them and do not judge them.

I do not tell you not to feel them, it is good that you feel sadness, fear, anger… for the bad things that happen to you, you must not repress the emotion, in fact the emotion arises without even asking your permission. This emotion awakens a feeling that will be shaped according to your character and will come modulated by your education and previous experiences. And this feeling will generate a thought that can lead you to action or non-action.

Let’s review the order:

• stimulus (external or internal event) → unchains an emotion → awakens a feeling → generates a thought → takes you to action or non-action

When the stimulus is produced by an external event and is «bad», what I advise you is to put a firewall here:

• stimulus (external «bad» event) → unchains an emotion → awakens a feeling / generates a thought → takes you to action or non-action

Let me explain myself:

It is not bad to think to try to solve or improve the problem, it is not bad to plan on the different possible options; what I mean is that when something bad happens to you that is beyond your control, make yourself think that it simply is, do not label it as «bad», do not allow yourself to make a judgment or an opinion, neither negative nor positive about it (there are people who are «forced» to take something positive out of a bad deed), let it happen.

This firewall is not going to change the fact that it is happening, but it will put on standby the cascade of negative thoughts that we generate and that worsen a situation that is already difficult, getting you to experience less suffering.

• Controlling the language and not using extreme expressions such as: «it’s horrible», «I can not stand it» … it helps not to make the sensation worse about a fact that, without any need of help on your part, is painful.
• If the story hurts you, for example because it makes you relive it, do not tell it, or do it only to those people who comfort you, do not feel obligated to explain your life to anyone. It is not a good time to take stock of how you are doing.
• We are very trained to think, it is very difficult to leave the brain blank, I would say almost impossible. What I’m talking about is not going around with negative thoughts wandering 24 hours a day; Maybe you could limit a schedule during the day to think about what worries you.

Being aware of what happens to us with the intention of solving it or with the purpose of making the appropriate decisions that it requires is good. My advice is that you do not «label» it, do not judge the fact itself, just treat it as best you can, let things happen and think:

What is happening to me… it simply is!